Tennessee's 'Fractured Fairy Tale': The story of Good Ol' Uncle Breddy and King Philip the Great

It is no surprise that I consider Gov. Phil Bredesen a hypocrite -- which is the worst thing you can be in the political arena.

I've learned the hard way in interviewing him and writing about his big economic deals as a Nashville columnist. But what he said last week in a very nicely packaged report by Cara Kumari of WSMV Channel 4 makes even "Congressman" Marsha Blackburn seem like a candidate for JFK Library Profiles in Courage Award.

The school sales tax holiday coming up this weekend, Aug. 1-3, is a creation of Bredesen, not so coincidentially before he was running for re-election. In the years 2005 and 2006(the election year), he was going around the stage encouraging parents to take advantage of this three-day holiday to help their kiddies be prepared to learn.

He didn't seem like a politician at all. He resembled a close friend, or even a relative, perhaps an uncle. Yes, an uncle.

So at the same time as he was peddling the sweets of his sales tax holiday, Ol' Uncle Breddy was telling moms and dads not to worry about the state income tax monster. It would be slain during his next four years, he promised in his loud, assuring voice.

And so it was across the Kingdom of the Kind Mega-Millionaire.

The sales tax roof goes 'poof'
Then, however, a fiscal storm blew in. And the refuge of the state sales tax no longer provided protection from the elements.

So what did ol' Uncle Breddy do in 2007 and 2008? Well, he turned into King Philip the Great. And he cut and he cut and he cut programs for the most vulnerable. He refused to use the Golden Goose Rainy Day Fund to help balance the budget, telling people that the rain really wasn't coming down that hard and the wind was a simple breeze.

Yet this year, Ol' Uncle Breddy/King Philip the Great really started to panic as the storm grew worse. He declared in an official, royal proclamation that 2,300 state workers must lose their heads, er, I mean their jobs.

Most of the Republicans in his kingdom cheered lustily: "All hail, King Philip, all hail. He is now one of us!"

Why, boys and girls? Well, they didn't care about the state worker serfs at all. They really were too poor to care about and many of them were not the unofficial state skin color of favor. Wink. Wink.

But some of the people in Uncle Breddy's political party of "Ye Olde Tired Democrats" questioned him publicly about taking off the heads of state workers during an economic recession. Uncle Breddy momentarily returned and relented. He gave in to his lords and ladies of court, and said he'd offer buyouts.

In a recession? Thanks a lot.

The King gets really angry
Last week, the king or Uncle Breddy was not too happy. It seems that only 1,400 workers decided to leave their jobs and their households at risk during an economic recession. Damn, these selfish serfs! Only thinking of themselves.

Now the King found himself in a terrible spot. But his royalness did not consult any oracle, since his opinion is the only one he really respected. Instead, he spoke to WSMV Channel 4 and said that the sales tax holiday -- that his aler-ego Uncle Breddy offered to moms and dads for their kids -- no longer was a good idea. Actually, it was going to cost the jobs and heads of almost 1,000 serfs.

Bad moms!

Bad dads!

Selfish brats!

Governor: Tax Holiday Jeopardizes More Jobs
Money Could Be Used To Pay State Workers

Reported By Cara Kumari
POSTED: 4:00 pm CDT July 24, 2008

NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- The upcoming Tennessee tax holiday is designed to save consumers money, but it could cost some state workers their jobs, according to Gov. Phil Bredesen.

Video: Tax Holiday Not Helping State Budget Woes

When asked about the upcoming sales tax holiday, the governor said there's nothing he can do about the situation because it's the law. He said if he could take back the holiday, he would in order to help the state's finances.

Bredesen said money that consumers are saving during the holiday is costing state employees their jobs.


Now look at this 2006 news story featuring Good Ol' Uncle Breddy:


Knoxville News-SentinelBack-to-School Sales Tax Holiday Starts Friday

Submitted by Les Jones on Sun, 2006/07/30 - 9:59pm.

Tax holiday on clothes, school supplies, computers:

The designated three-day weekend, which starts at 12:01 a.m. Friday, Aug. 4, and ends at 11:59 p.m. on Sunday, Aug. 6, allows consumers to purchase selected clothing, school supplies and computers without paying Tennessee's state and local sales tax on the items.

Gov. Phil Bredesen proposed the holiday in Tennessee, which is among 13 other states and the District of Columbia that hold sales-tax holidays. It was approved by the Legislature in 2005 and will recur each year.

"Creating this sales-tax holiday was one of my goals from the beginning of my administration," Bredesen said in a statement. "The sales-tax holiday positively impacts education, our number-one priority. The Aug. 4-6 sales-tax holiday will provide tax savings for Tennessee's working families as they prepare for the school year."

The sales-tax exemption applies to clothing with a price of $100 or less per item, school supplies with a price of $100 or less per item and computers with a price of $1,500 or less per item.

Holy Jekyll and Hyde, Batman!
It's kind of scary, isn't it, that this kind of person is governor of Tennessee?

To be a serf in the Kingdom of Philip the Great is not a great thing. As one of the great prophets of the kingdom told this lowly scribe, many of the state workers are in his Nashville congregation. The Rev. Enoch Fuzz said they are supporting their households on $30,000-$40,000 a year. That's not a lot of money if you have kids, who Ol' Uncle Breddy used to love so dearly.

Meanwhile, the king opened the public pursue strings to welcome a stranger to Tennessee. By name, the original builder of Hitler's people's vehicle promised to bring jobs here. The king has a $100 million economic development goodies fund to reward people and corporations that already have a lot.

And he allowed Queen Andrea de Conte the First to use $11 million in public money to build an underground theme park below the royal castle for guests and very important people like herself. Her response to critics: "Let them eat cake."

But for the serfs, he has relatively nothing. Their worth is in question.

So there you have it, the Tennessee Jekyll and Hyde story of good Ol' Uncle Breddy and King Philip the Great of Tennessee.

The moral of the story -- run away, run away(as the Monty Pythonians cried upon encountering the flesh-eating rabbit) when Ol' Uncle Breddy comes to your hamlet, lest he return two years later as mean King Philip the Great and demand "off with your heads".