Sunday, November 30, 2008

Dear Political Mijo: Why dog all the dogs, dawg?

Dear Political Mijo,

What gives with all the criticism of dogs in the White House? Canines are as American as apple pie, hot dogs and Girls Gone Wild commercials. Dogs provide a sense of virility to the man in the Oval Office, kind of like an extension of his penis.

Cats come with a stinky litter box and scratch the hell out of anything, including people. They're only loyal to their food bowl. They only come around when they want something, like a lobbyist. If you need help, they take care of themselves and let you choke on your pretzels or burn up like Britney Spears' career in your home. The White House has already been fired once. I don't even know if the place is insured. Think about the taxpayers, will ya'?

So quit dogging the dogs, dawg. And what kind of name is Mijo(my Joe)? This is America, fella. Get a real name, like Cujo, Schwarzenegger or Chimichanga.

Doggone Glad to Own a Dog

Dear Doggone,

After reading your letter, I felt a strong need to use the litter box. Ahhh! I feel better.

The truth hurts, and sometimes a claw or two is needed to bring dog owners out of their stupor. Even though my name is Spanish, I am as American as hot dogs, apple pie and those different kind of stringy-meat ribs in the Vietnamese restaurant buffet. Yum, yum.

My name is pronounced Me Ho, like me thinks you're out of your flea-bitten mind.

I don't hate all dogs. They're all right to live in this nation, except in the White House where we need a little class and less licking of naughty places. I have two canine friend, Stitch and Mac. They live in Topeka, KS., which is a good place for a dog to live. Their breed is shit-tzu, or is it shih-tzu ... I forget.

Listen, I voted for Obama. They let animals vote in Tennessee as long as they're not roadkill and on the dinner menu. I just think the new president should bring real change to Washington, not just another drooling, doodoo-dropping dog to the White House.

And hey, for your own good, wait a few minutes before you let your dog lick your face after he gets in from outside doing his business -- in front of the whole wide world. Disgusting.

Yours truly,


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