Friday, December 26, 2008

Dear Political Mijo: What will be the Bush legacy?

(Publisher's note: Mijo, which in Spanish means "dear one", is a rascally black cat with an intense interest in politics. He, however, views the current affairs arena with the independence and skepticism that makes all felines so fascinating and frustrating at the same time. He writes in the form of responses to letters he receives asking for his opinion.)

Dear Political Mijo,

As far as cats, what has been GW Bush's legacy in their lives and in their advancement politically and socially?

Calico Curious in California

Dear Triple C,

"Bush" and "legacy" should be oxymoronic terms, you know like airline food, government effectiveness and senator and Larry "Is that your foot in the stall next to me or are you glad to see me? Craig. The guy is disgusting. Arrrrggghh! (Hairball coughed up.)

Ah, that's better. Let's run down the statistics.

The Bush's had a black cat named India Ink in the White House. What a terrible name! No wonder no one ever heard of the poor thing.

To its credit, the cat did nothing when Bush fell to the ground after losing consciousness from choking on pretzels while watching TV. Gee, the poor guy overtaxed himself, like walking and chewing gum at the same time. How did he ever manage to get us into the Iraq war?

During this potential crisis in the Executive Branch, India Ink simply trotted over to the Lincoln Bedroom to get the Gideon Bible for the swearing in of Dick Cheney. Yet lo and behold, those damn dogs, Barnie and Barf Face, had summoned the president back to life with tongues they had just removed from their own behinds or each other's. Who knows with dogs? They're so uncivilized.

During his eight years in office, cats widened their lead as the No. 1 pet in American households. But it was with no help from Bush. Unfortunately and most seriously, the economic downturn has forced some households to take their pets to animal shelters. People can't afford to feed them anymore or take them to the Vet. So we've lost a lot of brothers and sisters from this depression.

I'll let history judge the guy. But from my perspective, I wouldn't cough up a hairball for him. Instead, I'd buy him another bag of pretzels.


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